Why It’s So Hard to Change Something? #ReflectionSeries

Recently, I have been taking a course from Yale University about behavioral change. As many of you have experienced with diet culture, it’s not easy to make changes. Often, I find myself questioning the concept of motivation. There is a cliché saying that “if you really want it, you will get it.”

This saying has always made me question my own ability and mindset. So, if I fail to engage in committed behavior, does that mean I don’t really want it? It took me a long time to understand that human nature is like a ball made of knitting threads with lots of knots in it over time. How can I define myself so easily when I am such a complex being?

Through this course I’m taking, I have analyzed myself again and concluded with some behavioral adjustments.

I often find myself motivated by negative emotions like shame, regret, and guilt. However, this is not effective compared to having positive emotions regarding change. When I was bullied by my friends at university, I felt the urge to lose weight immediately. After an ultimate strict diet marathon, I lost weight, but it cost me more binge eating episodes.

In fact, this reminds me of a personal experience with my health. I was diagnosed with PCOS at the age of 17. After hormonal treatments, my PCOS was under control, but once I went to university, stress caused it to flare up again. I started experiencing binge eating attacks, gained a lot of weight, and didn’t have my period for a whole year. I was almost morbidly obese and felt scared because I didn’t recognize myself anymore. But as a student dietitian, I began researching my condition. I took my medications, focused on what I was eating, and spent a summer at home with my mom’s home-cooked meals. During those three months, I also went to the gym every morning, even though I didn’t know much about exercise. Regardless, it worked! I lost 15 kilograms, my menstruation became regular, but I still occasionally had binge eating attacks.

At one point, I was too tired of striving for perfection and told myself I would no longer follow strict diets. Instead, I decided to enjoy cooking and eating without pressure. For a year, I didn’t weigh myself. However, by the end of that year, I noticed that I wasn’t having binge eating episodes anymore, and I was fitting into my old clothes. This shift in mindset helped me find a healthier balance.

Perfectionism plays a significant role in our struggles. Having that "all or nothing" mindset brings me down. This affects my whole life! In these moments, I let myself do what I want but don’t let the process remain undone. Failing is part of the process, as always said by Ralph Waldo Emerson: "It's not the destination, it's the journey." There’s no need to use a failure as an excuse to stop trying.

If your process is working effectively overall, nothing significant will happen with one little mistake or failure. When it comes to eating behaviors, I never consider an attitude as a failure. For example, in my language learning, when I oversleep instead of studying in the morning, I used to consider that day as a loss. But hey! There is nothing more important than time. Knowing a few more vocabulary than yesterday is an achievement.

Another issue I faced with reality was that I didn’t have specific goals! When we say, “I am going to exercise” it lacks any description. However, when we have a clear definition, it’s much easier to commit. Saying, “I am going to start walking for 20 minutes every day” is more effective, sustainable, and measurable. When we approach change step by step instead of all at once, it’s going to work. Every change needs attention, self-control, and a lot of motivation! It is unrealistic to tackle everything single-handedly. We all know that when we don’t have realistic goals, we fail, which can lead to a negative self-image.